When Being a ‘Good Leader’ Gets in the Way

Leadership can be both rewarding and challenging. For many executives, the quest to be the "perfect" leader, calm, in control, and consistently positive, can lead to unintended consequences. They often try to protect their team members’ feelings and keep up an image of constant competence. But this mindset can slow down personal and team growth, eventually causing burnout, resentment, and decision fatigue.

The Illusion of Perfection

From the outside, a so-called perfect leader might seem like the picture of success. They deal with crises smoothly, always have a smile, and seem untouched by the strains of leadership. Yet behind that front are deeper vulnerabilities. For example, research shows about 70% of executives considered quitting because of burnout.

High-performing people often suppress real feelings so they can maintain the “good leader” façade. Staying professional under pressure is admirable, but ignoring stress, uncertainty, or fear builds pressure inside. When image beats authenticity, leaders foster a culture where showing vulnerability feels weak. That pushes distance between them and their team.

The Cost of People-Pleasing

Wanting to keep the peace can shape decisions in unhealthy ways. Avoiding hard talks, softening feedback, or neglecting personal needs often backfires.

When issues like poor performance go unaddressed, team members can feel ignored or undervalued. Engagement drops. In fact, managers are responsible for around 70% of the variation in how engaged employees are.

Also, nearly 72% of leaders report feeling burned out by the end of a normal workday. Only a small fraction feel prepared to head off burnout in others.

The Reality of Leadership Burnout

Carrying emotional responsibilities without releasing them adds up. The pressure to always be the “good leader” can spiral into chronic stress. Gallup and other studies suggest that leadership behavior is a huge factor in employee engagement. When leaders behave in ways that feel rigid or image-focused, engagement drops.

Burnout doesn’t only hurt work performance. It eats into health, relationships, and sense of satisfaction. In one study, teams with leaders who engage well report lower levels of burnout.

Letting Go of Performance

The shift from “always performing” to “often being real” can change everything. Leaders who admit challenges create safe spaces for authentic connection. One study found that leaders who display vulnerability see about 25% higher employee engagement.

Authentic leadership inspires trust. It gives room for honest conversations, growth, and stronger team bonds. When you’re real, people feel safe. That helps collective development.

The Wisdom of Honest Leadership Coaching

Coaching helps bridge the gap between image and authenticity. With guidance, leaders learn how to manage stress, address burnout, and reexamine motivations without always trying to look perfect.

It also gives space to explore fears and motivations more deeply. That kind of reflection strengthens leaders and their teams.

Embracing Collective Growth

Leadership at its core is about growth for both self and others. Letting go of being perfect opens up trust and collaboration. When leaders share their own struggles, team members feel safer doing the same. That trust can spark creativity and innovation that would otherwise stay hidden.

Some research shows that democratic or charismatic leadership styles that foster engagement and emotional connection tend to produce better performance outcomes.

A New Path Forward

Chasing perfection often blocks you. Letting go of constant performance, embracing vulnerability, and being more real can lead to healthier teams, more trust, and better long-term results.

Sources:

1. DDI / Gallup. “Measuring the Impact of Leadership on Employee Engagement.” Gallup says up to 70% of variance in employee engagement depends on their leader. Website: www.ddi.com/blog/impact-of-leadership-on-employee-engagement

2. SBAM. “Leadership Burnout and Its Cost to Business.” Found that 70% of C-suite execs considered quitting due to burnout. Website: www.sbam.org/leadership-burnout-and-its-cost-to-business

3. Thomas Griffin leadership statistics. “72% of leaders report feeling burned out by the end of a normal workday.” Website: thomasgriffin.com/leadership-statistics

4. PMC / Mazzetti et al. Study on engaging leadership. Teams with engaging leaders had more happiness, trust, and lower burnout. Website: pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9242457

5. Minnesota Society of CPAs. “The Power of Leading with Vulnerability.” Leaders who show vulnerability see about 25% higher engagement. Website: www.mncpa.org/resources/publications/interest-areas/internal-articles/the-power-of-leading-with-vulnerability

6. Nature / Mphaluwa et al. “How leadership styles influence employee engagement.” Shows democratic and charismatic leadership improves performance. Website: www.nature.com/articles/s41599-025-05707-w